On Fear

It's not so much that fear is a strength or a weakness.......it's more of a reaction whenever circumstances or some anticipated event get close to exposing us and our softspot, our tenderness, our sadness. We are afraid of exposing our hearts to the world, and when we get close to doing so, we find fear. So why does this happen when we're exploring a change? Well, we normally cover our hearts with habitual ways of operating in the world, to protect ourselves and make our experience predictable and safe.

When we're anticipating going against a habitual pattern, it is scary and we experience fear. From the point of viewof our self image (which is simply a way of defining that which we think secures us and makes us solid, and that which doesn't), fear is bad and something to be avoided at all costs. From the point of view of wanting to go beyond the constraints of a solid self because we find it suffocating and constraining, fear is good and something to be worked with, because it signifies we're on to something genuine and open.We're willing to open the windows and let in some fresh air if you will.

Very often fear is the vanguard of tenderness and softness. By thatI mean we notice the fear first, and then if we're willing to dive in or lean into it, we notice the sadness or tenderness underneath the fear. Lke a small green shoot in the garden under all that mulch. This willingness to acknowledge fear fully is the beginning of bravery,whether our knees are shaking, tears are streaming down our cheeks, itdoesn't matter. It's a willingness to be ourselves in spite of fear, to expose ourselves and let the sunlight into our dark corners. Without the willingness to face fear, there is no fearlessness possible and weare stuck in our self-created cocoon. That is why I said that fear is ultimately good news because it serves as a steppingstone or doorway to a new way of being.

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© 2005 Jeff Rubin