The cause of happiness

Lately because I can't travel so well, I no longer see new meditation students in person in my role as a meditation instructor for the New York Shambhala Center. However, I have volunteered for handling the random email requests that come in from folks with questions or who are themselves unable to get into the Center regularly. Here is one such question and my reply.

Q: Q: Given that one of the basic tenents of the Dharma is that other peoples' happiness is our happiness, how can we be happy knowing that countless millions (billions?) are suffering every day (don't have enough food/clean water, are in physical danger, etc, etc.), with everything we see on television news/read about in the print media?

A: Well, very simply I don't think we CAN be happy when others are suffering, at least not in some lasting way. Not because it's a tenet of the dharma, but because our fundamental nature is compassion,and it's very hard to be at our ease when we see and feel other's suffering. That being said though, I think it's important to take this out of the realm of abstraction and bring it into to the realm of experience. What is the cause of happiness? How do we skillfully address the fact that other's are suffering in a way that does not make things worse? Do we simply try to clean up the world one person at a time? - which often misses the point, because our intention is really to make ourselves feel better, so we end up creating bigger problems.

I think it's important to really look into these questions wholeheartedly and not accept an answer just because it's the party line for Buddhism. If we look closely at our thoughts and experience we notice that 99% of the time we spend our time working on the "me-plan", and we try to protect "me" from any discomfort, justify it, nurture it at the expense of others, etc. all in the name of happiness. The question is, "is that working for us?" Is all that effort bringing us lasting happiness? I think you will admit that on the whole it is not working, that acquiring things and taking care of me at all costs does not bring lasting happiness. On the other hand, what really does bring some lasting peace and happiness is looking after and helping others, whether it be helping our friend move to a new place, nurturing a sick friend, helping our children to become independent and confident, bringing someone in need some food, or surprising our spouse with her favorite coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. It gladdens our heart when we are able to give of ourselves, and feels genuine and connected to a larger perspective than just administering to this pet we call "me" all the time.

However, the "me-plan" is habitual and it's difficult to overcome it all at once, to just suddenly place others' first all the time, even if that's our intention, and even if we understand conceptually that the cause of happiness is dissolving our self-absorption. Therefore what is suggested is to start slowly by dropping the "me-plan" for a small period of time each day, to practice being virtuous for just 10-20 minutes, which is meditation practice. If we are able to do that, we start to see possibilities of moving forward with our lives in a more fundamental way, and helping others in our immediate sphere who are suffering. We needn't go all that far to perceive suffering, we needn't abstract the billions of the world who are suffering, it's all around us every day. (The ironic part of all this is that very often the people who have so little are often happier than the people who have so much, simply because they understand the cause of happiness).

This practice of getting off the me-plan for a short (but consistent) time creates a steppingstone to greater mindfulness and awareness of when we're being selfish and when we're actually sabotaging our own happiness. We start to tap into that underlying but always present compassion in our heart which has been buried under layers of selfishness. We are able to tune into the needs of others because we can more easily put ourselves in their shoes. From there, we can spend more and more time practicing virtue and less and less time being self-absorbed, and it's just possible that we could change the world in not just a superficial way, but in a more fundamental way that brings lasting happiness.

Hope this helps.

Best,

--Jeff